Thursday, November 23, 2006

So Funny I Stoled It Clean Off Their Blog

The folks... er... volker... over at Sadly No! had up a great post today poking fun at one ranting and raving Pastor J. Grant Swank Jr., who spends most of his time thinking about gay people. Don't ask me why, but ranting and raving pastors are usually the last people on earth to figure out that something has gone out of style, so I'm sure we can expect many more homo-obsessed hate-filled tirades from the unquestionably heterosexual Rev. Swank.

All text below this point is either from Pastor Spank, or Sadly No!
ISRAEL SAYS ‘NO’ TO HOMO PARADE
By J. Grant Swank, Jr.
Israel’s moralists will not tolerate a homosexual parade in the Holy Land. Thank God. According to Richard Boudrezux of the Jerusalem Times, moralist Jews “pelted police with stones and setting cars afire in a crusade against a planned gay pride march through Jerusalem.”
So wait. Did Swank just come out in favor of pelting cops with rocks and burning cars to protest a gay parade? Is this the same man who recently said, “that which is against the law cannot be tolerated?”
Imagine! The Holy City being so desecrated by those who act out that which is abhorrent to the God of Scriptures. Yet of course the practicing homosexuals have already turned their backs on the Lord; consequently to act out their sin banners in public is a thrill dreamt of.
Hey, if it’s a choice between watching two dudes mack it or watching my car get torched, you bet your ass I’m picking the former.
Is it not interesting that homosexuals think sex all day long, all night long?
I dunno, Pastor Swank. You tell me.

They have to display their genitals in public, prance about, act out their physical fondling. The heterosexuals don’t stage sex parades in the boulevards.

I know. I sorta wish we did, though.
The heterosexual doesn’t force heterosexuality on the public market.
Hey, if some woman wants to force her heterosexuality on me, I’ll be the last to complain.
Yet homosexuals are so bound to their craze that they poke it in-your-face in every culture they inhabit.
Your face if you’re lucky.
They simply must be so selfish as to take over, shout and pout, demand and stomp — such childishness. If they truly honorably regarded their sexuality as they see it, they would at least adorn it with a veil of civility and the privacy defined by moral heterosexuals.
You mean like Paris Hilton and R. Kelly? Those sorts of heterosexuals?
I say to the homosexuals: If you are truly homosexually inclined, then you work that out with the Lord God. But don’t besmirch your choice by acting the part of a fool in public. Don’t stoop so low as to be barbaric in sexual display, dragging your own body created by God into the gutter for the world to review. If you persist in sinning against God and His divine revelation, at least commit your sin in private without having to foist your brashness on society. There is no need for your overzealous persistence.
Unless you’re a lesbian, in which case I get to tape.
From Jil: Now tell me, with a little... uh... more thoughtful reading of Pastor Swank's writing, wouldn't you say that his prancing, fondling, thrilling, poking, public display of infatuation with gay sex is perchance a tad queer odd? I'm just sayin'.

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