November Surprise Return Fire

Well, this isn't really a November surprise, because it isn't specifically about politics, Washington, or elections, but — WOOHA! — it sure as hell is fun!

Once again, a self-professed champion of the family, married father of 5, opponents of all things homosexual, has his career go kerplunk in a gay sex scandal. (Oh, and methamphetamines are thrown in for good measure.) Yes indeedy: The President of the National Associaction of Evangelicals is a drug addicted boy toy on the side.

We have gotten to enjoy 20-plus years of conservatives, evangelicals, and every other sort of holier-than-thou charlatan crashing and burning in humiliating scandals, from Jim Bakker to Mark Foley to the entire Catholic Church. Those people who claim to the moral high ground in this country almost inevitably wind up being queer, gamblers, wife-beaters, con artists, pedophiles, sex addicts, or drug abusers. The best part is, that the flood of the fallen seems to show no sign of letting up.

And those who seem immune to... ahem... pleasures of the flesh: God gives them a gay child, as if he is almost daring them to hate... including:

• Presidential hopeful Alan Keyes.
• Political author and activist Phyllis Schlafely.
• Vice President Dick Cheney.
• Psycho-anti-abortion dude Randall Terry.
• President of anti-gay group NARTH Dr. Charles Socarides.
• Anti-gay Senator Arlen Specter.
• Anti-gay Senator Richard Shelby.
• Anti-gay President Gerald Ford.
• Super-anti-gay California state Senator Pete Knight.
• Authors Tim and Beverly LaHaye.
• Newt Gingrich (his sister).

Evangelicals always like to talk about "signs from God." I would personally like to thank God for sending this particular sign reminding us all... for oh, about the hundreth time now... that most of the spiritual leaders in our country are also the leaders in the kinky-violent-illegal category.

Today's Christian leaders are truly the gift that keeps on giving, and their misfortunes are the best reminder out there that, yes indeed, there is a God, and he really can't stand these people any more than I can.

p.s. Liberals: Get your act together. You're supposed to be the gay, stoned, free-love, bang-an-underaged-donkey-on-the-Capitol-steps crowd, and I can't even remember the last time that a Democrat or liberal was caught doing anything remotely interesting or eyebrow-raising (although Bill's cigar antics were rather quaint). So get out there, get crazy, and get yourselves caught up with all the Republican scandals going on before I start to wonder where the party really is.