Quotacious

"According to the Washington Post, Barack Obama and actress Scarlett Johansson are email buddies. Apparently they email each other back and forth. So, you've got a 23-year-old gorgeous, blonde actress emailing a married presidential candidate. Well, what could go wrong there? Not to be outdone today, John McCain admitted he had been exchanging flirty emails with Angela Lansbury."

— Jay Leno

Quotacious

"Let me get this straight: Obama wins Iowa. In a desperate move — unprecedented for an ex-President in American politics — Bill Clinton decides to impede Obama's momentum by inserting himself into the campaign. He attacks Obama on an almost daily basis, sometimes falsely. He makes a spectacle of himself. And then he blames the press for not covering the substance of the campaign?"

— Joe Klein.

Quotacious

"Bill Clinton has never been a classy person. But I think his conduct over the last couple of weeks is tacky even for him. Think about it for a minute. Here is a former president going out on the campaign trail in the early primaries and trashing one of his own party's greatest new talents. Can you recall any other president doing such a thing in an election campaign? The abuse he has heaped on Obama both tarnishes his former office and cheapens his role as an elder statesman in the Democratic party."

— Andrew Sullivan.

Quotacious

I empathize with you bro.

Yesterday I was standing in the check-out line at the supermarket, and between furtive glances at Soap Digest magazine (too embarrassed to buy, too intrigued to look away) I had an epiphany: I plum don't like fraternizing with lower- or middle-class people.

Obviously I'm somewhere between lower- and middle-class myself, on a good day. But other people of this sort really get on my nerves, whether they're huddling around one another for warmth in the freezer aisle or organizing a rodent hunt.

I'm not like that guy who wants to own a mansion and yacht and have powerful friends who do his bidding for him. More and more, I'm appalled that I don't already have such "luxuries," and I consider this to reflect poorly on my state and municipal governments for letting me fall to such a level of poverty/non-filthy-rich-ness.

Quotacious

"The civil libertarians among us would rather defend the constitution than protect our nation’s security."

— Senator Jeff Sessions, Republican of Louisiana.

In case you are wondering, he said that with contempt... as in "can you believe those civil libertarians actually defend the constitution?" This is the mindset of the modern Republican party... the "patriotic" party, they call themselves. Ha.

Quotacious

"Let's be clear: we have lost this war. We have lost because the initial, central goals of the invasion have all failed: we have not secured WMDS from terrorists because those WMDs did not exist. We have not stymied Islamist terror — at best we have finally stymied some of the terror we helped create. We have not constructed a democratic model for the Middle East — we have instead destroyed a totalitarian government and a phony country, only to create a permanently unstable, fractious, chaotic failed state, where the mere avoidance of genocide is a cause for celebration. We have, moreover, helped solder a new truth in the Arab mind: that democracy means chaos, anarchy, mass-murder, national disintegration and sectarian warfare. And we have also empowered the Iranian regime and made a wider Sunni-Shiite regional war more likely than it was in 2003. Apart from that, Mr Bush, how did you enjoy your presidency?"

— Andrew Sullivan.

Quotacious

"Once you start subjecting religious doctrines to secular, empirical standards, not many would survive. But, as long as we have a secular politics, this doesn't and shouldn't matter in a presidential election. For me, it doesn't. But here's the point: for those who believe no politics is meaningful without religion dictating its meaning and direction, i.e. today's Republican leadership, it's a legitimate question.

So quit the whining, Mr Romney, and enjoy the bed you've made for yourself."

— Andrew Sullivan.

Quotacious

A reader on Andrew Sullivan's website e-mails him:

A Hillary Clinton presidency would certainly moderate the policy platform in Washington. But as you point out, it would wildly inflame the so-called "Culture Wars". And then there is the horrible thought ... what could be worse than another four years of George Bush? It might very well be Rudy Giuliani. And, how do we get religious conservatives to vote for a Giuliani? Run him against Hillary.

Another of his readers writes:

For example, one word describes Obama’s effort: Change. For Edwards, it is economic justice and for Dodd, restoring the rule of law. For Biden, foreign policy experience in an increasingly dangerous world. I can’t give you a one word or simple explanation as to what a Clinton Presidency would mean. The reason we find this New Yorker moving from issue to issue is that she has yet to define it herself. We know she wants to be President, but we don’t know why.

I highly recommend Andrew Sullivan's blog for your daily dose of political commentary.

Quotacious

"Before I go home tonight I’m going to pop across the street to the new Crypt, buy myself a buttplug, and name the fucking thing Mohammed."

— Dan Savage, about the situation in the Sudan.

Quotacious

"Good news for the terrorists: Undercover agents posing as passengers were able to get simulated bombs through the screening process here at LAX 75% of the time ... but not one drop of shampoo."

— Bill Maher

Quotacious

"President Bush met with the Dalai Lama today at the White House. Another awkward moment. When the Dalai Lama showed up, Bush said, 'So, where's the lama?'"

"China is outraged at the United States for honoring the Dalai Lama at the White House. They're pretty mad. I hope they don't try to get back at us, you know, like maybe putting lead in our toys or anti-freeze in our toothpaste."

— Jay Leno

Quotacious

"I heard somebody say, 'Where's Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead because Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandelas."

— President Bush

---

UPDATE:

Alf in the comments section points out that this quote is part of a larger quote concering the issue of why somebody like Nelson Mandela has not shown up in Iraq. I'm quite surprised that CBS news would be so deliberately misleading in using a quote... it is basically malacious.

Quotacious

"[The other day, President Bush] was in Australia, and listen to this. A TV comedian dressed himself up over there as Osama Bin Laden and got within feet of Bush's hotel. They got him, and the Bush spokesman said it was obviously not the real Bin Laden because they caught him."

— Bill Maher

Quotacious

"Sen. Larry Craig said today yes he is gay, but he never inhaled."

"See, I don't think his family was surprised by these revelations. In fact, today his wife said she first became suspicious because every time he had to use the bathroom, he would fly to Minneapolis."

— Jay Leno

Quotacious

"There's another scandal in Washington. One of the senators from Idaho, Larry Craig, was arrested in airport men's room. Gives new meaning to the word 'caucusing.' Sen. Craig said he made a mistake by pleading guilty. And I was thinking, 'Maybe that was your second mistake.' The way I look at it, anyone who spends more than two minutes in an airport men's room is guilty of something."

— David Letterman

Quotacious

"The mood here is one of unspeakable sadness. Rove's very presence these past six-and-one-half years has been a source of joy and light, not just to the jaded Beltway insider such as myself, but to the children who frolic behind him, hoping to catch one of the sweets which fall naturally from his doughy pantaloons. 'Turd piñata!' they shout."

— John Oliver (The Daily Show)

Quotacious

"Man, it was hot today. ... It was so hot today, Hillary spoke before the Senate topless. ... This is such a stupid story. The Washington Post has criticized Senator Hillary Clinton for showing cleavage while speaking in front of the Senate. See, that seems sexist to me. They've never gone after Senator Ted Kennedy for doing the exact same thing."

"The big story everyone is talking about [is] Hillary Clinton showing a little cleavage. It's amazing isn't it? The United States is 231 years old, but apparently the media is only 13."

— Jay Leno

Quotacious

"The Bush administration is constantly attacked for being the most secretive in history. ... But let me ask you something: if they are truly the most secretive administration in history, would they have told us over the weekend that the president handed over power to Dick Cheney for two hours while he went and got a camera stuck up his butt? ... The next time some pundit out there wants to call the president secretive, stick a camera up your butt, then tell your viewers about it. Not so easy, is it?"

— Stephen Colbert

Quocatious

"Last night, the Senate held an all-night session, and Senator Hillary Clinton gave a speech at four in the morning. Apparently, it was the first time Hillary gave a speech at four in the morning that didn't start with, 'Where the hell have you been?'"

— Conan O'Brien

Quotacious

"President Bush was in Albania. He thought he was going to Albany. Anyway, he ended up in Albania ... and somebody stole his watch. Bush is upset. He is really angry. He said he now has no choice but to bomb Iran."

— David Letterman