Yo! Yo! Wassup my nigga? Tell all us homeys here about this gem stuff!
(That would be my Aunt Carole... she usually doesn't talk like that... if she ever has.)
(This reminds me: You, my loyal readers, are not using the comment section! If you click on the "comments" underneath each blog entry, you can post a comment, which is automatically e-mailed to me. In addition, everyone else can read your comments as well, and laugh at your spelling errors... or be astounded by your astuteness. So... please comment!)Anyway, the gem stuff... Word.
Thailand is the gem capitol of the world. In Thailand you can buy a ruby, emerald, or sapphire for X, and you can turn around and sell it on EBay for 3X... 2X at worst.
Originally, a friend of mine, Geoff, from England approached me and asked me if I would "loan him my bank account" as a place to deposit money from his American-based EBay gem sales. In return, he would give me 20% of the profits. We were basically all ready to go, with just the "setting up accounts" part to be done... getting the ball rolling as it were.
It all seemed like a good idea until I thought about how this deal smelled a lot like fresh-as-a-daisy, fluffed-with-fabric-softener money laundering. (Money comes from lots of anonymous sources into a personal checking account, and is then transferred to an overseas bank account. Hmm... nothing suspicious about that.)
Well, it would be exceptionally easy to explain to the Treasury Department (with EBay and IBill accounts and printouts) exactly where... oh... $200,000 worth of cash came FROM in 2006. I'm sure that they would be 100% satisfied that it wasn't Columbian drug runners or anything and that would be the end of it. However, then they would hand me off to the IRS to explain to them exactly where the $200,000 worth of cash WENT... since they never saw any of it in the form of taxes.
Well, that would have to be solved by basically beaing able to show the IRS $200,000 (less my 20%) of invoices from Geoff to pay for the gems that he sold on EBay. Not an impossible task, and not much problem. I just needed to let Geoff know of the additional bits of business required to be able to start putting money in my account... or more accurately, get it out.
Now, if you'll remember, I mentioned 3 drinking buddies: Gary (who married Gob), Jan, and... yes... Geoff. Geoff is possibly the most irresponsible person I have ever met. I think that the reason that he lives in Thailand is because he fits in with the Thai people, who take a month to finish a job that could be done in a day.
(Now, you may be asking yourself, why would I want to go into business with the most irresponsible person in Pattaya? Well, it's simple: In order to keep everything copasetic, Geoff was going to put the EBay account in my name. Geoff was going to put the IBill account in my name. The bank account was going to be in my name. I wouldn't have to do a single bit of work, and would get 20% of the profits... and I would basically own the business. Geoff would be, for all intents and purposes, a contractor. This would be a Jill-owned, Geoff-operated gig.)
Anyway, back to irresponsible: Geoff and I met on Friday and agreed to meet to set up the EBay accounts on Sunday evening. I called Geoff Sunday morning to confirm - no answer. I called Geoff late Sunday night to find out what happened - no answer. Sent a text message - no answer. Called twice on Monday and sent one text message - no answer to any. Tuesday, same. Wednesday same. On Thursday, I called Geoff's friend, Erin, and asked her what had happened to Geoff. "Oh... he's around. I saw him last night at Margaritavilla... blah blah blah." Is his phone working? "As far as I know, yes. I talked to him today."
I sent Geoff a text message saying "I've called and called. I've sent messages and you've ignored them. I expected more from you." The next day, he text messaged me back, "You need to learn some fucking patience. Piss off. As far as I'm concerned, our business together is concluded."
As best as I can figure, Geoff either realized he had made the stupidest business deal in the history of the world, and couldn't figure out a better way to back out of it than "piss off", or having my bank account as a place to put his money wasn't really that important, or he found someone else with a bank account - possibly Erin - who doesn't want as much money, but also doesn't know what is going to happen on April 16, 2007 when her tax form says one thing, and her bank account says another.
Sooo...
Somewhere in the middle of all of the above, I wrote and told several people about the free money that I was going to be getting, and my friend Warren wrote back to me, "I told you that you should get into selling gems in Thailand! I've got an EBay account. I've got all the equipment to photograph the gems. I know everything there is to know about making a ton of money selling gems over the internet. Gee... I just wish I knew somebody in Thailand who could buy the gems and send them to me."
(Lightbulb effect again.)
Anyway, that's about where we are at now. Hopefully in another month or so we'll be into the "trial selling" period, where we flesh out the details and kinks by driving the business around the lot at 5 mph... five or ten gems at a time. Then, we'll pull out onto the open highway, and let 'er loose.
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