Why Pattaya?

Really, there are very few people who are qualified to live in Pattaya. Truthfully, I am not among them. (I moved here because it was a place to study "Expatriate 101", with everything in life made simple... and managed to get stuck here somehow... although escape is still an option.)

The first group of people who can call themselves "Pattayan" are poor, old-age, single British men looking for a companion who is less expensive than, more fun than, and one-half the age of their ex-wife.

The second group of Pattayans are not-so-poor-but-still-not-rich, old-age, single, gay British men looking for two or three companions who are less expensive than, better-hung than, and one-fourth the age of their ex-wife.

The third group of Pattayans seems to be the at-least-as-poor-as-the-Brits, somehwere-around-middle-aged, single, European men looking for a companion who can run their bar or restaurant on Soi Post Office while they are off trying to scrounge up startup money for a bar or restaurant back in their hometowns so they can get the hell out of Pattaya.

The fourth seems to be rich German families... who seem to be the only people who make up "respectable" Pattaya expat society in any significant numbers.

(The gay community likes to pretend they are respectable, but they are really here foremostly for the sex, which instantly disqualifies one from being "respectable"... although they could possibly claim to be "civilized", as in "the Ralph Lauren bedsheets in my bedroom have a higher threadcount than the Eddie Bauer bedsheets in your bedroom and I am therefore more civilized than you" kind of way.)

There is no industry in Pattaya: It is a 100% tourist economy... and about three-fourths of those tourists are low-end Eurotrash and Sinotrash who only pay Euro/Sinotrash prices, with slightly wealthier sex tourists, and Germans on golf packages making up the balance... so there are very few people making a fortune from tourism in Pattaya (unlike Ko Samui, Phuket, and to some extent Chiang Mai).

There is the major seaport of Laem Chabang 30 minutes to the north, and a BMW plant someplace nearby (explaining the rich Germans). There is some oil industry 30 minutes to the south in Rayong, plus a navy base... and a few wealthy retirees (the emphasis on "few").

So for the life of me, I cannot figure it out: Who the hell is going to buy all the $100,000 to $250,000 houses that they are building.... piece-of-shit houses, I might add.

Houses in Thailand really are junk, costing an average of $25 per square foot to build: Build steel-reinforced cement columns in a 12-foot by 12-foot grid. Then, build external walls out of 6-inch thick cinderblocks, plastered over with cement. Then, build internal walls out of 4-inch thick bricks, plastered over with cement. Weld some pipe in a roof-shape over it all, and layer over with some red or blue tiles. Add windows, doors, plumbing and other fixtures.

This house is sitting on a patch of land which gives you 5 feet of clearance (or less) on each side of the house that goes for about $10 per square foot, and the windows and floors and stairs and such probably tack on another $10 per square foot.

House all built? Good! Put it on the market for $100 per square foot.

Fact of the matter is, people are building and buying these houses as investment properties, and they really are not that interested in selling them... hence the ridiculous prices. These rich retards own one or two, or even five or ten houses that are sitting empty (or are possibly rented out, though not likely). There are essentially no property taxes in Thailand. It costs you $20 per month to have some peasant come in and water the plants and sweep away the dead leaves. You can have your minimal utility bills sent to a real estate agency or handling firm who will take care of those for you. (They'll even try to rent the place out for you if you would like.) Twenty years down the road, when it's time to retire, you can sell your half dozen $50,000-to-build houses for $300,000 each... save one for your retirement home though.

I say Bullshit. I'm sure most people with brains agree.

Pattaya is the place where people who can't afford to live anywhere else in Thailand go... not people who are willing to pay a quarter of a million dollars for a house... and even if they were, they are certainly not people who are willing to pay a quarter of a million dollars for an 1800-square-foot-home, on a postage-stamp lot, in a run-down housing project, along a pot-holed road, 15 miles outside of Pattaya... when they could build the same home brand new for one-sixth the price themselves.

But... If you drive around the outskirts of Pattaya, there are dozens of "gated communities" going up, each of which has 15 or 20 houses which will sell for $100,000 up to $500,000. Inside of Pattaya proper, there are dozens of smaller gated communities going up with 15 or 20 walled-in 1-bedroom bungalows (with a miniature pool) which will sell for $50,000 to $125,000. Also inside Pattaya proper, there are about a dozen high-rise condominiums going up each with 50 to 200 tiny studio, 1 and 2 bedroom apartments which will sell from $40,000 to $250,000.

And that is just in the year 2005.

Easily, three-fourths of all bedrooms in Pattaya are empty each night... not including hotels.

It's a very simple rule: It's cheap as hell to build it, and costs nothing to maintain it... so just as long as you're not building on credit, it's not a big deal if you don't sell it in the first 10 years.

It's just that my personal belief is that you are a grade-A pinhead if you think that you are ever going to sell it at all for much more than it cost you to build it.

Of course, if you are willing to hire someone to build it, and are planning on living in it right off the bat, and are planning on enjoying it as a house instead of a stock option, you can own and live in a very nice house in Pattaya.

Just don't plan on ever selling it... and consider yourself lucky if you do.