Thai Man No Good

Along with "hello sexy man" and "where you come from", the one bit of English that every Thai bargirl seems to know is "Thai man no good."

And it is true... at least in rural Thailand

First and foremost, rural Thai men are drunks... rampant drunks. Thais consume 13.6 liters of alcohol per person per year (as of 2000)... one of the heaviest drinking countries on earth. (Only Moldova and Portugal drink more.) However, take this into account: Very few Thai women drink at all... so Thai men consume, oh, 25 liters of alcohol per person per year. Take this into account: Most wealthier and educated Thais follow Buddhist teachings and drink little or no alcohol. (I'll guess and say it is 10% of the population, so) that means that the rural Thai men consume about 27.5 liters of alcohol per year, on average, per person. That's 80 ounces (shots) per month... or, just under 3 drinks per day. And that's the average... as in half of all men in rural Thailand drink more than that. A substantial portion drink considerably more than that.

(p.s. I'm assuming that the 13.6 liters of alcohol means "whiskey", and not actual alcohol. If it means alcohol... and if we consider whiskey to be 50% alcohol, that means that the numbers above are only half of what they should be: That the average Thai man drinks a 6-pack a day.)

(Oh... also remember that Thais are little itty bitty people... so that alcohol works especially well.)

Tui, my groundskeeper, is a drunk. I chose to ignore it in general. However, yesterday I drew the line.

Rangsima, my landlord, is coming today to pick up the rent. I looked outside, and there was Tui's wife trimming the bushes, and Tui's 8-year-old son was helping her out. They were cleaning the grounds before Rangsima came to see that Tui hadn't been doing a damn thing for the entire month. The pool water is green... hadn't been cleaned in 3 days. The security lights had burnt out 2 days ago. The garage floor is muddy. The patio needs sweeping. The lawn needs cutting. There are weeds in the flower beds.

I got on my scooter to drive to the ATM to withdraw my rent money and drove by the little sala outside the convenience store up the road. There was Tui with 4 or 5 other Thai men, drinking whisky... at 2:00 in the afternoon. The motherfucker even had the audacity to wave to me as I went by.

Everybody thinks they know why prostitution is rampant in Thailand. I'll give my reason: Thai men... with sexual values assisting.

About 95% of prostitutes in Pattaya come from rural Northeastern (Isaan) Thailand, which represents about half of Thailand's population. Thai men up there can't hold down jobs. When they do work, they earn $5 a day. What money they do earn goes to whiskey... although I forgot to mention gambling... don't get me started. They get the Thai girls pregnant, and then dissappear, leaving the Thai girls to figure out what to do.

Well, due to the fact that Isaan Thais think that (rationalize that) intercourse is about the same as a deep, passionate kiss...

... due to the fact that a Thai girl can earns $40 to $50 for the equivalent of a deep, passionate kiss (as well as $300 a month just for shuffling around on a stage in a bikini)...

... due to the fact that while she is earning this money, she might just meet a nice, sober, hard-working farang who can pay the bills and afford school uniforms for her kids (as well as help out mom and dad back home)...

What Thai girl wouldn't take off for Pattaya? Hell: The top-shelf bar girls earn over $2500 a month. That's more than people with MBAs make in Thailand. Not bad for a girl with a sixth-grade eductation, whose only other work alternative is standing in mud up to her knees in a rice paddy for 10 hours a day. The worst that bargirls can do... the ugly, overweight, 40-something girls with crooked teeth... the worst that they can do is to sit at an empty beer bar for 8 hours a day watching TV for $100 a month salary.

(And all these Christian groups think that they can come to Pattaya with a "We'll teach you how to weave baskets, speak english, and praise Jesus and all will be well" attitude. The Thai girls go there for the free english classes so that they can chat up the men better. If the Christians want to fix the problem, know what they can do? (1) Keep the girls upcountry in school past sixth grade. (2) Make the girls somehow able to afford college. (3) End the racism that says Isaan people can't get high-paying jobs. (4) Make those high paying jobs pay more than prostitution. (5) Make those high paying jobs more fun than spending the night dancing with friends, or being wined and dined by foreigners in restaurants where the cost of a meal is what a girl makes in a month in those high paying jobs. (6) Oh... Most importantly, stop Thai men from drinking, being unemployed, knocking girls up, and then leaving. Trust me... once a girl gets to Pattaya, it's a little too late for basket weaving lessons folks.)

My maid Toom wants nothing more than for her daughter Jeep to never date a Thai man... only Farangs. All over Thailand, mothers are telling their daughters the same thing:

Thai man no good.