Nobody to Blame But Myself

In order for me to decide that there is a problem, sometimes I almost consciously make the problem worse so that I can sit there and say, "See how much worse it is now? Aren't you going to do something?"

I used to smoke a pack a day, but that wasn't nearly enough to get me to quit... so something inside me ramped up my habit. Still didn't quit. Then came the smokers' cough keeping me awake at night. Close, but not quite. Then came what the doctors refer to as posttussive emesis... coughing so hard you lose your cookies.

Uhhh... yawp. That did it.

Now comes the weight. For the 12 years between 1988 and 2000, I went from 130 to 150 pounds... up 20 pounds. No worries. For the 4 years from 2000 to 2004, I went from 150 to 180 pounds... up 30 pounds. Gave weight loss a couple of shots, but not seriously. Over the last year...

You kind of have to be impressed in a morbid sort of way...

40 pounds. 220. An even 100 kilos of Jilness.

Let's see if that does it... or do I think should I wait for some diabetes or knee problems before I get fed up? We'll see.