Intelligent Design

I've never quite grasped the big to-do about intelligent design... the resistance to it by the so-called mainstream scientists. I mean, I think it is perfectly reasonable to teach in a high school science classroom that the process of evolution worked far too well to be random, and that aliens most likely played some role in the current biological state of this planet.

I mean really: If you stop and think about it, aliens are the only logical way to explain the abundance and variety of life on this planet, operating in such a perfect balance. The foundation of life on this planet was brought here in spaceships and planted and nurtured here, and as time went on, when evolution needed a "kick in the pants", the aliens came down and destroyed all the dinosaurs by dropping a meteor on them (and then finishing them off with their laser beams), and later on, took away the neanderthals for... uh... fatal anal probes, if you get my drift.

So anyway, I strongly believe that there was indeed intelligence involved in the design of our ecobiologic system, and that intelligence was wrapped up in green skin and silver, skin-hugging tinfoil-like unitard space suits. I encourage you, high school biology professors, to teach this to your students, so that they may go out into the world and appreciate nature's diversity in creation... with a little help from our stellar brethren.

And may those heathen scientists who would deny the presence and beneficience of our alien progenitors be smitten by a red-hot death ray!

What? Oh... you mean it wasn't aliens? You think it was some other power from the sky controlling the fate and future of life on this planet? But... but it came from the sky? But not aliens? No green skin? So what color skin does this power... you don't know? Well what about the anal pro... none at all??? No laser beams? Oh I suppose it was just hocus pocus wiggle-your-nose then, right? ... are... are you serious or stoned? You want me to believe that over aliens? Why should I beli...? Oh! You've got a book! Oh... well that explains it then... NOT. I've got books too... You've only got that one book, and I have hundreds of books, as well as dozens of movies and documentaries on our alien benefactors... so there. No... I'm not going to give up on this you blasphemer. How dare you question the obvious logic of intelligent design? When the aliens come to take us away to The Better Place, you are SO in trouble.