Chrome Pole Report

After gorging myself sideways on fried fish, Alan, Eric and I went to the Beach Club (part of the Happy Group), where the girls dance on mirror-surfaced tables without wearing knickers. Really though: How many times in life do you get familiar with your date's vagina before you even see her face? Well, by face, I mean nostrils, since craning your neck up to see who owns what is being shown below gives you a view of a chin, some hair, and 2 big nostrils.

Well, truth be told, once they get down to an eye-to-eye level, the girls at Beach Club aren't bad to look at for the most part... which is nice until you find out that it's a total crapshoot that they are willing to be barfined. You see, the girls get tips... or at least their hoy gets tips... for dancing. They make a considerable amount of money without ever having to leave the bar and their friends, to go have some fat farang's sweat dripping on them for 45 minutes.

I'm a realist, so I don't blame the girls... but if you are in Pattaya to do more than stare at it, then by all means start off at the Beach Club, and invite a girl home. Just don't be surprised if you need to head to another bar to get lucky when she turns you down.

Well, after the Beach Club, it was off to Carousel, where the girls go round and round on a rotating stage. From 8:00 to 10:00, all drinks in the bar are 50 baht... which is really damn good considering that most Walking Street beverages are plus/minus 100 baht. They had some cute girls there, but not too many. However, as I said, the drinks were right, and we went through 3 rounds. Definitely mark Carousel down for its happy hour happiness. Bob showed up from the restaurant right as we were leaving, making us a party of 4.

Lessee... with the 2 margaritas at Bob's, 2 beers at Beach Club, and 3 drinks at Carousel, that put me at 7 drinks. Okay... whew. One more bar and I'm done.

So, therefore it was off to Champion A-Go-Go, where the girls dance bottomless... hairless too. (Hairless seems to be the new style for girls in Pattaya... which I don't mind.) I go to Champion quite a bit because it is always a bit on the wild side. They must put something in the air conditioners that gets girls a little crazy, because every time I go there, I see something that makes me say, "Only in Pattaya, man." The girls in Champion are okay... with a couple of real cuties. We stayed for one drink, and I was about done.

But... Everyone else kept walking, and went to the Coyote Bar... another of the Happy Group bars. Well, OK... one more bar. Hanging out with the boss at his own bar is always cool. So we went there and looked at the show girls up on the rotating stage... first nude and covered in oil, then in silver outfits with masks, then in Asian kimono-type outfits, and then in soapsuds. We had another 2 drinks, and Alan and I talked about ways to rearrange the bar a little bit to make it "flow" better.

At this point, Eric called it a night, and after 10 drinks, I was about ready too... but no: "We're going to Classroom, you with us?" Doh. Yes... of course I'm with you. I'm sheeple.

So off we went to Classroom. Had 1 drink. Quite a few pretty girls there. Rotating stage too. Bob fell by the wayside at this point, leaving just me and Alan.

"I'm off to Diamond A-Go-Go. You with me?" Doh. Two more drinks.

"I'm off to Casino Club. You with me?" Doh.

Actually the Casino Club is another particularly interesting bar. It's not a go-go bar, but it is. The girls there wear mostly cutoff jeans and tanktops, and mill around and socialize as much as they dance... but the interesting part is, they are gorgeous! I mean, top Thai model gorgeous. Why? Because they are all "agency girls" brought down from Bangkok on 1-month rotations. Dancers mostly... but all top shelf girls. They cannot be barfined, and cannot leave the bar, but apparently after work they are free to couple up with customers... as long as you are willing to stick around until 3:00 a.m. and as long as the Miss Thailand contender is willing to roll around with your old wrinkled self. Best of luck.

Anyway, 2 more drinks. I finally had to call it quits. Alan, trooper that he is, was showing no signs of slowing up when I left. Based on the look in his eye, and the smiling hottie sitting on his lap, he was going to be there until 3:00 a.m.