Translating Burmese

"Burma has staged its first official ceremony in its new administrative capital with a massive display of military force."

Burma has a new capitol but wants to show that building it didn't bankrupt its military... just in case you were getting any ideas.

More than 12,000 troops took part in a parade in the capital, near Pyinmana, which was officially named Naypyidaw or "seat of kings" on Monday.

The army marched under order of the Burmese junta, who consider themselves kings, and named the capitol after themselves.

It is not clear why the secretive ruling junta moved the capital from Rangoon.

The secretive ruling junta were too embarrassed to admit that they thought moving the capitol inland 500 miles would put them out of range of American cruise missles.

State TV only showed footage of troops, rather than of the capital itself.

State TV made sure that the Mon separatists wouldn't know where to target their mortars.

Monday's parade was to mark Armed Forces Day which commemorates the Burmese military's uprising against the Japanese during World War II.

Fortunately, Burma has many holidays in which to parade its military around so as to intimidate the population.

Addressing the troops, head of state Than Shwe said the country needed a strong military during its move to "disciplined democracy".

The ruling military dictator said that the country needed martial law during its move to a democracy where nobody opposes the military.

Burma has not had a constitution since the junta seized power in 1988.

(Actually, this seems to translate quite well into English, doesn't it?)

In his address, Senior General Than Shwe said the military was striving to create peace and stability so that a multi-party democracy could exist.

The ruling military dictator said that as soon as all of the people struggling for democracy in Burma have been killed or sent to prison, the military dictatorship will allow people to vote to keep the military junta in power.

"The people, together with the military must also strive hard to build a modern, developed state where disciplined democracy flourishes," he said.

The people must obey the miliary and perform slave labor growing lots of heroin and making amphetamines for export so that Burma has money to build new capitols and kill the Hill Tribe people.

Burma has pledged to allow democracy under strong pressure from its neighbours as well as the US and other Western powers, but has so far failed to deliver.

Burma has been doing exactly what it planned to do from the very beginning.

The State Peace and Development Council abruptly announced in November it was moving the government to remote Pyinmana, 600km (373 miles) north of Rangoon.

The military decided that they were going to be the next North Korea (with only one-percent of the miliary strength), so figured that a purpose-built, well-protected inland capitol was the way to go.

Than Shwe made no mention of the capital in his speech on Monday.

Than Shwe didn't mention how stupid this was in the age of modern warfare in his speech.

The reasons for moving the capital are unclear. Some analysts point to a paranoia among senior military figures that they might come under attack, potentially from the United States, and that a location further from the coast is strategically safer.

Some analysts point out that the Burmese government, in general, is retarded.

But others suggest the military leaders are simply repeating the habits of the Burmese kings in pre-colonial times who built new towns and palaces on the advice of fortune tellers.

But others suggest that the Burmese government is, in fact, retarded.

Civil servants, who received a sharp pay increase at the weekend, complained on Monday about poor infrastructure and boredom, Reuters news agency reported.

Civil servants are the same all over the world, even in fucked-up Burma.

"I'll probably save some money if I stay here. I'm single and I'm not after any amusement or pleasure," Ko Soe Aung, a clerk, told the agency.

"Burma sucks," Ko Soe Aung, a clerk, told the agency.

Some top-ranked officials will see their salary soar more than 1,000%, according to a document circulated to various ministries.

Realizing that before their lives are up, they will probably need to flee Burma to escape being lynched, the military dictators are saving up for retirement in Beijing.

Translated from the Burmese found here.