Lucky Draw

Out for Tuesday night at TQ2 as per usual... but with Pui in tow.

There is a running joke in my life that I never win the door prize. You know: "Everybody get out your tickets... I'm going to draw the lucky number!!!" That bullshit. I never win.

Obviously this bears mentioning here because the joke has come to an end. I won the door prize. Out of a bunch of wankers holding little yellow tickets, I was the wanker separated from the chaff.

So what did I win? A "judgeship" at this Thursday's wet T-shirt contest. Oh joy. I get to pour water on scantily-clad girls, and then have them do their best impressions of a porn-film star grinding it within inches of my face while they do the tongue-licking-the-teeth-I'm-sexy thing. Puhleeze.

I'm a tape-measure-and-sextant type judge. It's a wet T-shirt contest. If they're large, and are pointing north, you win honey. Keep the rest under wraps thanks. I'm not here to judge your cervix for chrissakes.

What the fuck did I put my hand up for, holding that little yellow ticket? I could have just kept my head down. Steve would have picked another number. Some guy who gets his jollies from playing the sexual predator in front of 200 other sexual predators would have gotten his shot at glory.

And Pui? "Yay darling! You won!" Bless her little heart. Maybe I'll have her be the goddamn judge in my place.

Seriously man... this is the kind of stuff you wind up bitching about if you live in Pattaya for too long. Yes... I know... you wish you had my problems. Feel free to remark on "being in my shoes" in the comment section.