Back on August 11th, Pui left. Today marks a complete month she has been gone. I won't get into the details, but we had an argument, and she decided that that argument was enough to end our 18-month relationship.
That was her choice... but also implicit in that choice was the choice to take her 5-year-old son, Pot, away from the only home he had known for 18 months, the only family he had known for 18 months, and the only emotional security he had known in his entire life. In her leaving, Pui chose to ignore Pot's education, his future, his well-being, and his happiness. She chose to move into a run-down, filthy, closet of an apartment with Pot, and her younger brother, and she chose to go work in a bar at night while her brother works at night as a security guard, leaving Pot in the hands of God-knows-who... watched after, I'm sure, but without his mother, father (me), grandmother (Maid Go) or anybody else caring for him and loving him. Pui chose to ignore Pot's security and upbringing. That is the entirety of what Pui chose.
I want to have children. I expected to have them with Pui. While there might have been room for reconciliation after our fight — even with her having moved out — her consideration of Pot in all this was awful. Her values and decisions and discretion showed me that she is simply a bad mother. If this had happened after we had children together, then that could have been MY child being taken out of my house to spend his nights without his family, having his future destroyed so that Pui wouldn't have to defend herself in the arguments she caused. Given the possibility of losing my own child in such a way, it is just as well that she is gone, and just as well that she stays gone.
Yes, of course, I had a role in this as well. There are two sides in any argument. I made mistakes too; but my mistakes did not include a dismissal of our relationship over some heated words. For both Pui's and Pot's sake... for all of my caring for both of them... I was not going to let a moment's anger destroy 18 months of a generally wonderful life together — unlike Pui. Despite my problems and frustration with some things Pui did during our time together (and the arguments those things caused) ending our relationship never crossed my mind.
I cared for Pot like my own son, and I still regret his mother's decision, but what I have learned about Pui — and what that means for Pot — is beyond my control. I wish I could help Pot, and get him out of the awful life his mother has chosen for him; but that would mean taking Pui back and that would mean risking my unborn children at some point in the future to that same life which Pot faces now. I have to let Pot go for the sake of the family I want to have someday.
I'm not depressed, enraged, or emotionally injured. That is simply not me. For about 3 hours after Pui left, I was kind of numb... but Maid Go was there to lift my spirits, Mike and Riza were there to point out the positives, Willie was there to confirm that my thinking was right, and Bob was around that very night to take me out on the town to dandle a few pretties on my knee in a light-hearted attempt to help me forget. Like I said: My only regret was losing Pot, and there is nothing to be done there. For Pui, I have only sad and regretful contempt.
I'm turning off comments for this post, because I don't want condolences or pick-me-ups; I don't want people taking this opportunity to bad-mouth Thai women in general, or Pui in particular; I don't want comments mocking me or my choice of who I had hoped to share my life with; I don't want relationship advice or been-there-done-that anecdotes; I don't want to answer questions or provide any more details. Suffice it to say that we all make mistakes: I was just fortunate that my mistake came to light when it did.
